Ego wants to preserve the body. Why ? Because the colony has to be kept alive so that the colonizer can exploit it. If something happens to colony only colonizer will die. The colony will not die.
Freedom from the EGO is needed by us not freedom for the EGO. I was not doing what my EGO want. I was doing the most correct thing that my body could do for others.
But Even child in womb has EGO. If I was child in womb there for 9 months I doing it all out of stimulus to environment just as child can respond without even consciousness. If you touch a wall it will not respond. But if you touch child inside womb it will respond.
Ego has two instincts. Self preservation and self dissolution for ending suffering. These two instincts are contradictory. The EGO itself is suffering. So only one of instinct can be persued because otherwise the Experience of EGO may differ but subject of EGO remains same.
On one hand the body has to be preserved. On other hand something has to be added to it. This is what EGO thinks. That the unease should not remain but I remain. But Neti Neti is the way to dissolve EGO.
EGO remains only at a perticular configuration of the body. That EGO is gone when configuration changes. That’s why EGO is afraid of dying or aging.
Self preservatory instinct is not bad. You live 100 years but your action should not be for fruits of future.
I chose to be away from office or Kalpakkam and Tamil Nadu for self preservatory instinct. Same reason from Bengal. I started feeling unsafe there. My body couldn’t have survived both of them. But all my actions are without expectations of future of action. I only do what’s right and not lethal. If it’s lethal it must be right also. Just as I survived on whatever food I could afford there but continued blogging. I collapsed fainting two times. Nobody asked me to do that. My conscience didn’t allow me to join job without telling my history first to everybody because it’s related to our country, our Government.
I am only doing that which is self preservatory but only till my body. I am not running away from doing the right thing. I will need my body, my brain working properly for my ideology.
As per above Clause a government employee under provision of constitution is expected to:
maintain absolute integrity;
show devotion to duty;
maintain high ethical standards, honesty, courtesy and good behaviour;
perform duties with professionalism and to the best of their ability;
I think I have maintained all above.
On question related to grievance AI said following after reading my appointment letter.
This(Appointment Letter) page does not say that you cannot make a grievance.
It says how you should make it.
For example, if you have a grievance concerning:
salary,
leave regularisation,
service conditions,
attendance,
an administrative decision,
this paragraph says that you should ordinarily first approach the appropriate competent authority at the prescribed level.
It doesn’t convert the underlying grievance into misconduct merely because you have a grievance.
Also, if the immediate superior is himself/herself the subject of the grievance, the phrase “such other authority at the lowest level as is competent to deal with the matter” becomes important. You would not necessarily be expected to ask the very person against whom you have a grievance to adjudicate it.